Some of my favorite decorations hanging around my home are the drawings and artwork from my children throughout the various stages of their lives. It is fun to go through the years and watch as their skills improved or to read the silly things they wrote 🙂
I am writing you today about issues that affect a lot of parents in our country but I can only speak for my experiences from the State of Indiana. Other parents will have to write you or their politicians about their issues. I write today about a known, widespread problem of a broken Family Court System and Child Protective Services that turns a blind eye for only reasons they can answer. Are you a supporter of people’s rights? Last I checked children are people with rights though their voices are ignored. I do not ignore my children so when they came to me and said, “Daddy, I am being abused” I tried to protect them but the system failed to help protect my children. I will outline some of the failures by the systems in place to protect our children in the summary below.
It all started in December 2013 when my 3 oldest children told me of serious allegations against their mother and her newest man in their lives. For a few preceding months, I had noticed personality changes of their mother, who I have known 20 years. These changes, along with the game she played with my special needs daughter’s medicine on our trip, made me VERY concerned. I could have called CPS with the evidence I had at that time and been justified but I instead chose to hope I was wrong. A few weeks later, I made a trip back to Indiana and began talking with teachers and doctors, noticing a disturbing pattern. Again, I could have called CPS and been justified but I decided to go talk with their mother, the person who until recently I had been able to co-parent with for 6 years. It was shaky at times but we managed to put our feelings away and do what was best for our children. I talked with her face to face and she assured me the issues would be taken care of immediately. Several weeks later, it was brought to my attention that these things were not taken care of as promised.
Enter CPS. They failed to properly investigate the issues. I know this because I never received a call requesting my evidence but yet instead a call from them stating case closed. I was later told by the children that they were interviewed with the abusers around and were scared to talk. I received emails from the other parents making fun of me, calling me names and saying as the children’s father I was nobody. I was accused, by someone that had been around for less than 6 months, that I did not know how to give my 13 year old her medicine. These emails attacked my spouse and innocent children. They even joked about how quickly CPS closed the case. Then the parental interference that had been going on for several months was intensified. Packages refused. Ipads that could only text or facetime daddy were sent back. Communication was made as difficult as possible.
During the children’s summer visitation, minus my son who was not allowed to visit, I was told of more disturbing physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse and neglect. I did not make a CPS report right away but again reached out to their mother until I found out about even more medical neglect of our children by their mother, who is a licensed Registered Nurse in your state. This included a special needs child but yet again CPS did nothing. They were quick to listen to the mother’s side but were never interested in the children’s best interests. They again interviewed the children in front of their abuser. I guess in Indiana you only need one side of the story to make crucial decisions about the safety of Hoosier children.
I was to appear, on two separate dates, in Madison County and Delaware County Courts in October but unfortunately was denied the ability for phone or video appearance. In early 2013, I had to move to California for treatment to prolong my life from a genetic disease that also affects 3 of my children. I could not afford a trip to Indiana to defend myself or my children. My only income is disability which Indiana currently takes over 1/3 for bogus back child support in Delaware County. How is it I have been disabled since 2010, before the support case was even filed in court, but they made my payments off my 2007 income? How is it the court refused my evidence from multiple doctors stating I could not work and would require ongoing medical treatment during my modification hearing? How was the mother of my son who is higher educated than me with a college degree and able bodied allowed to quit her job and live off the citizens of your state while I was held to a different standard? Why is there no accountability or checks and balances to decisions made by the Indiana Family Court System? Why are they allowed to do whatever they chose and destroy the American Family? Delaware County has continously put out frivolous warrants against my freedom making it next to impossible to defend my children. Speaking of Delaware County…My son’s mother has stood in the way of me spending time with him since birth. The courts and outdated laws support this nonsense. Yes, I was not married to his mother but how does that give me no rights? Last I checked we both made mistakes and it took us both to conceive him but she gets him like property because as she told me “He came from my coochi!”
It has been 12 months and 17 days, as of the date of this letter, since I have seen my little man. I love that boy! I cry for him and his sisters every night as I pray they are safe.
My 13, 10 and 7 year old daughters have not been allowed to visit me in 6 months. This Christmas break was the first in their lives I have not spent time with them. God I miss them so much!
I fought like hell the last 4 years to stay alive for one and ONLY one reason. That reason was so I could raise my children and watch them become amazing adults. They need me as much as I need them. I will fight just as hard for them to have a voice as well. My children came to me for help. I have reached out to so many people that could have stopped this from happening but no one listened. I will not give any more information because I doubt you are listening but maybe somebody will eventually listen to my side and protect those beautiful children that simply asked for help. I have always taught my children there are no problems, only solutions. I think all of our children deserve a solution that is truly in the children’s best interest.
Until then the alienation will continue and I will receive threats from the alienators. As I was told in the most recent message from the other parents, “When you left, you made a conscience decision to abandon and forego activities and decisions in their lives.” How do you reason with people that think this way?
If you have read this then I thank you for your time and apologize for assuming you would not listen.
Earlier this week while at music class my daughter got to pick a rocketship as we blasted off for exploring fun. Not a day has went by since without her asking to play with the pink rocketship again so we decided to build one together 🙂 This project has many creative possibilities and can be as simple or complex as you want.
cardboard tube-any size from toilet paper to large shipping tube works
corrugated cardboard for fins
thin cardboard for tip of rocket (optional)
stickers, markers, paint, stamps etc. to decorate (optional)
Cut 3 fins out of the corrugated cardboard and decorate.
Decorate the tube.
Using thin cardboard or construction paper cut out a circle about twice the circumference of the tube.
Cut a slit to center of circle and form a cone for the tip. Hint: You may need to trim to fit.
Decorate cone then attach with tape or glue to the top end of tube.
Cut 3 slits into bottom of tube for fins.
Apply glue to end of fins then slide into slits and secure with tape if needed.
Time to go exploring with your rocketship!
This will be a hit for all the little rocketship lovers in your family and offers endless possibilities 🙂
Please share your craft ideas as I am always looking for the next project.
I am sure that I am not the only parent who has heard the other “adults” in the children’s lives say “it doesn’t have to be this way” as they continue to cause trouble. It can be very confusing to me so I can only imagine the emotional toll it takes on our children.
Here are some signs you may be dealing with people that are more concerned about themselves than doing what is best for the children:
Always refer to children as “my children” “my kids” “my son” “my daughter” never “our”
Constantly taunt you and remind you of the power they have
Attack you, your spouse and innocent children
Interfere with your communication to the children
Threaten to ruin your relationship with the children and how they perceive you
Offer unsolicited parenting advice (I personally do not take advice from people that I would not switch places with)
Lie constantly-when caught their story changes…again
Make false accusations
Interfere with packages and letters sent to the children
Manipulate everyone and everything to hide the truth
Always act as though they want to work together but can’t stop making threats and belittling comments
Threaten you won’t see the children unless you do what they say or want
A couple of my personal favorites are:
-The child ownership statement…”The child came from my coochi and I will do what I want with them!” To this day I still cringe when I think of that statement. What kind of lady talks that way?
-Say what?…”When you moved to get life-saving treatment, you made a conscious decision to abandon and forego activities and decisions in your children’s lives.”
*The views expressed in this post are the opinions of the writer and not about any particular person or people. If you think it is about you, that may just be your guilty conscience 🙂